


The Night When We Began.

by theatergirl06



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: F/F, I really like writing with them., and the executioners are back, read my other fics under that tag if you don't know who those are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theatergirl06/pseuds/theatergirl06
Summary: After a terrible week, one of the queens spirals to an even more terrible place. It takes something special to bring her back.
Relationships: Anne of Cleves/Katherine Howard
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	1. Floating in the Fog.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a terrible week, one of the queens spirals to an even more terrible place. It takes something special to bring her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic takes place in the same universe as my fics We All Break Down but Never at the Right Moments and When Feelings and Thoughts Collide, but chronologically earlier.  
> TW: Swearing, attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts.

Anna of Cleves was having a truly horrible week. Everything was just going so wrong. She’d twisted her ankle during the show on Monday, causing her to miss three shows, and when she came back, she’d lost her voice and had to miss three more. She’d been able to do the last show on Sunday night, but she’d met a terrible fan at the stagedoor who’d said she was “rude, hideous, and an abomination,” and that she had no right to be back in this world.

Anne had appeared and given the man a run for his money, and Anna had pretended she didn’t care at all about what he’d said. She’d been lying. But what choice did she have? It was unfair to ask any of the other queens to help her, or burden them with her own pain. They all had more than enough problems to deal with already.

So she was already pissed and grumpy when they headed to their usual pub that they frequented on Sunday nights before their day off. On top of that, she and Catherine had gotten into an enormous blowup that day. Anna had been nervous about doing the show after her (multiple) injuries, and Catherine had been stressed about getting everyone out the door on time. Prickly and not having slept, Anna had snapped at her to stop being an uptight bitch. Catherine, also prickly and probably not having slept, had snapped at her to stop being a dumbass bitch who didn’t care about anyone but herself. Anna had told her that no one liked her and that they didn’t want her there. Of course she regretted it later, but she’d been so exhausted and so nervous, and Catherine’s words had stung, too. Then there had been a lot of shouting.

Now, the two divorced queens weren’t speaking to one another. Anna couldn’t completely tell if it was because they were still angry or because it was simply so awkward. Most of the other queens had refused to take sides, but Cathy was shooting Anna death glares every few minutes, and every so often, Anne would whisper a nasty comment in her ear. Anna knew her best friend was only trying to defend her, but it only made her feel worse. She didn’t want to think about the fight at all.

At last, the cab arrived at the pub and Anna was able to escape conversation for a bit. The German queen thrived in the company of others, but wasn’t one to talk a lot. She wasn’t sure exactly where that put her on the introverted-extroverted scale. Once inside the pub, instead of immediately going to the dance floor like usual, she headed right for a seat at the very end of the bar, where people would be most unlikely to spot her. She ordered a coke and rum and began to observe the people around her as she sipped her drink. She wasn’t normally one for observing, but it was easier than living inside of her own head.

Why had she  _ said  _ those things to Catherine? They were so cruel, as though they came from someone without a heart.

Maybe she didn’t have one.

Was that why all the fans hated her so much?

Was that why her bad luck seemed to never end?

Was that why she couldn’t even bring herself to realize that she might have feelings for someone...stronger feelings than she was willing to take a risk with? 

God, her mind just wouldn’t stop.

She looked across the little pub to a booth by the door, where Jane and Cathy sat, as usual. Jane was knitting what looked like a white hat, and Cathy had her nose buried in a book. Though the queens coming to this pub on Sunday nights had become a tradition, Cathy and Jane could rarely be seen doing any of the traditional “pub activities.”

On the contrary, Anne Boleyn would never be caught dead “doing boring stuff when there’s alcohol and a dance floor where I can get to them.” As usual, she was out on the dance floor tonight. Kat had been with her, but now she was ordering a soda from the bar. She tended not to drink too much alcohol, claiming it gave her pounding headaches. Either way, like Anne, she was almost guaranteed to be on the dance floor on any given Sunday. So was Anna, for that matter. Just not tonight. 

She sighed and sipped her drink. Why was a little fight like this getting to her so much?

She suspected Kat would be able to tell her. The fifth queen had a way with people, almost always able to explain someone’s feelings and understand them better than they understood themselves. If not in words, than Kat always managed to find the right chord in song.

It was just one of the many things that Anna adored about her. 

_ But just as a friend,  _ Anna told herself sharply.  _ She doesn’t need that. She doesn’t want it. Especially not with you.  _

Just as Anna was about to choke herself with an ice cube to shock herself out of her own thoughts, a loud bang on the counter next to her shocked her abruptly and made her jump in her seat. She turned and froze.

Why was Catherine sitting next to her? Wasn’t she furious? She was supposed to be furious.

The first queen seemed oblivious to her presence as she flagged down the bartender and ordered a huge beer, significantly bigger than she usually ordered. 

Not wanting another fight, especially not in public, Anna turned her face away from the Spanish queen and tried to concentrate on sipping her drink. But of course, instead, she found herself staring at Kat. 

She looked so gorgeous when she danced. All of her happiness was displayed on her face, and she looked like she was home for the first time in her life. She looked the same way when she created music, as though she’d entered another world, one made just for her and the people she loved. 

Anna wanted to slap herself. Kat’s dancing was the exact same way Henry had noticed her, and look how that turned out. Anna loved Kat too much to force a relationship onto her, no matter how she herself felt.

Plus, why would Kat want a relationship with her?

A sharp jab on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts. She turned and saw Catherine staring at her with a very annoyed look on her face, and Anna got the sense that she’d been trying to get her attention for some time. 

But Anna was sick of this fighting. She hadn’t meant to hurt Catherine, and she was going to tell her that.

“Look, Catherine, I’m really…”

“Save your apologies, Anna. I’m not interested.”

Anna reeled back as though she’d been slapped. The coldness in Catherine’s voice was a shock. The first queen had a quick temper, sure, but pure fury was rarely seen in her. Yet here it was, directed right at her.

“But I swear I didn’t mean...”

“Oh you meant it, all right. You know, you pretend to be chill with a heart of gold, but really, you’re just cruel and trying to hide it.”

“Catherine, I didn’t mean what I said about you. That’s the truth, whether you believe it or not.”

“Oh, it’s  _ absolutely  _ the truth. Do you know how many people write online that I’m the boring one? The uptight bitch? The one that shouldn’t have come back? If you cared about my feelings  _ at all,  _ then you wouldn’t have said that to me. But you  _ don’t  _ care.”

“How can you say that I don’t care? I love you all…”

“Oh, then who’s close to you, then?” By now, both of their voices were raised, and people in the pub were starting to turn their heads, including the other four queens.

“I’m close with…”

“Don’t you  _ dare _ say Kat and Anne. All you ever do is help them get in trouble. You let Anne do whatever she wants, and you constantly put Kat in danger! You’re a terrible influence on both of them.”

Anna didn’t know where it came from, but a hot flame of passion and rage suddenly coursed through her. How dare Catherine speak to her this way when she had things earlier that were just as cruel?

And maybe a part of her hated the things Catherine said because she was so terrified that they were true. 

“Catherine, you don’t get to say things like that about me. Not when you’re exactly the fucking same!” She was shouting now. “Name one person here you’re close to. You indulge Cathy in ‘intellectual debates’ which only makes her more isolated from the world, and you pretend to be Jane’s friend, but really, all you do is make her do whatever you want. You’re a terrible friend to both of them! To all of us!”

“You want to talk about terrible? How about how you got Kat beheaded?!”

Eerie silence rang out in the pub. It seemed everyone was staring at the two queens. Out of the corner of her eye, Anna thought she saw tears streaming down Kat’s face.

“Both of you, stop it!” yelled Jane. “We  _ don’t  _ talk to one another this way!”

But Anna barely heard her. Catherine’s words had ignited a deeper flame inside of her, and this time she knew it was because of how true they were. Even Catherine seemed shocked by her own words. 

“Anna, I…” 

But Anna was already out of control. She had no idea when it had happened, but somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten what you did with feelings when you couldn’t bury them any longer. Burying them was all she’d ever done since they’d come back.

“You want to talk about horrible things, Catherine? How about we talk about how  _ you  _ were such a horrible mother that your daughter murdered hundreds of people and became a monster, huh? How about we talk about that?”

Anna regretted the words the minute they had left her mouth. But there was no taking them back now. 

Tears filled Catherine’s eyes, and she turned and ran out the door. Cathy shot Anna the angriest look Anna had ever seen on her, and followed the Spanish queen out the door, quickly followed by Jane, Anne, and Kat. Now she was alone.

Suddenly the noises of the pub, the stares, the lights, it was all too much. She turned and sprinted up the stairs, not aware of where she intended to go.    
She found herself on the roof. It was dark and slippery and lonely. The grey clouds surrounded it, giving it a distinct air of loneliness. She didn’t mind it. It was what she deserved. 

She stood at the edge of the roof, lost in her thoughts.

God, she was awful. She’d done so many horrible things. She’d basically killed Kat in their first life, and in this one, she was lying to her and too scared to tell her how she really felt. She’d ended up with the best deal out of the queens, yet somehow still felt haunted by her past, by people calling her ugly, by no one being able to love her. No matter how hard she tried, no one had ever really loved her, even the people who were supposed to the most.

She’d caused so much pain. To everyone. And here she was pretending otherwise. That was even worse. 

She didn’t deserve to live.

She was standing on the edge of a roof, after all. 

Why not jump?

Rid the world of all the pain she gave it?

She’d never deserved a second life, anyway. She’d done too many things wrong in the first time, and never had to pay for it. 

On the other hand, maybe this was how it was supposed to end. Maybe the first time hadn’t been bad enough.

She bent her knees and prepared to jump. 

She felt her feet leave the edge of the roof, and for a split second, she was in the air.

Arms grabbed her around the waist and yanked her backwards, crashing onto the rooftop again. 

She didn’t even want to open her eyes to see who had grabbed her, but suddenly it felt like whoever it was was the only thing tethering her to the world. She felt the person wrap their arms around her and hold on tightly. She rested her head on her shoulder. She didn’t know she was even crying until she felt the water on her face.

After what seemed like decades, she pulled her head up and found herself face to face with Katherine. She was lucky she didn’t blush a lot, because if she did, she would look like a tomato, and she would be even more mortified than she already was.

Of all the people to find her in this state, why did it have to be Kat? Why?

Kat was staring at her, eyes full of worry and arms shaking (though Anna couldn’t tell if that was fear or exhaustion from pulling her back onto the roof). 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Before Anna could even open her mouth, the beheaded queen was shaking her head. “No, don’t answer me. You clearly have to talk about it.”

Anna sighed and realized that Kat still had her arms around her. Seeing her surprised face, Kat quickly pulled her arms back, but when she did, it was almost as if a fog came around Anna’s eyes, like she was falling again.

Kat’s arms quickly wrapped around her, and she snapped back into reality.

God, this was so embarrassing. What was going on?

She sighed. She might as well talk. It was far too late to hide the fact that something was wrong. 

“It’s just...it’s been a rough week. I haven’t been able to do the show, and it’s given me a lot of time to think.” She took a deep breath. “When I don’t have anything to do, there’s nothing I can do to block out the darker thoughts from my brain. I think about how I killed you, how horrible I was, how I still am. I think about how even though I had the best deal, I still cry about how I look when nobody’s watching, even though I have no right. But most of all,” she looked right into Kat’s eyes, “I think about how I shouldn’t  _ be  _ so bad, and yet here I am.” Tears slid down her cheeks again. It was the first time she’d cried in months. 

Kat stared at her, a pained yet hopeful look in her eyes. “Anna, you’ve been bottling this all up for  _ months _ . Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

Anna groaned, her head coming to rest on Kat’s shoulder again. “Because look at all of you. You’ve basically been through hell and back, and yet you’re still such amazing people. I didn’t even come close to going through what you all went through, and I’m still so...awful. Who am I to burden you with my little problems?”

Kat squeezed her arms tighter around her. “Anna, every person who has ever lived has problems. That’s what friends and family are for. For being there when you need them. You’re  _ always  _ there for us, every single time. It’s  _ okay _ if sometimes, you need us, too.”

Anna almost felt the clouds clearing. Was Kat right? She so desperately wanted to believe she was.

“But...but I was responsible for your death. I was so awful then, and I’m no better now. I don’t deserve to live, Kat.”

“Anna, don’t tell Jane I said this, but respectfully, shut the fuck up.”

Anna couldn’t help herself, a little laugh escaped her, underneath the tears and the fog.    
“But seriously, listen to me. You are  _ not  _ a bad person.”   
“But…”

“I know you’ve made mistakes. So what? We  _ all  _ have. We’ve all said and done things we regret, we’ve all blamed ourselves for things that weren’t our fault, and hear me when I say this, Anna, my death was  _ not  _ your fault, and since I’m the one who died, I think I get final say on that. The important thing is to never define yourself by your mistakes. Apologize for them. Understand why you made them, and try your best not to make them again. And no matter how many mistakes you think you’ve made, the people who love you will always be there to tell you that you’ve done more good than bad.” Kat looked right into her eyes, the fog clearing more with every word. She always  _ had  _ had a gift for feelings. “Anna, you’ve put so much good into our lives. You’ve given amazing and wonderful friendship to me and to Anne. You keep Anne safe if she gets into too much trouble, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it when you come into my room and calm me down when I have nightmares. You are a part of this family, Anna, whether you like it or not, and we would be miserable without you. Don’t ever think you don’t belong here. You belong here as much as all of us. We all belong here together. That’s how it works.”

Anna smiled at her. “You’re amazing, you know that? You’ve come so far since we came back.”

Kat blushed. “Believe me, I still have a long way to go.”

Slowly, Anna pushed herself up and stared into Kat’s eyes. God, she was amazing. “So do I.”

Slowly and tentatively, Kat unwrapped her arms, and all Anna felt was the cold air. 

The fog came back, but this time Anna could swear there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She had to find it.

Kat’s voice came through the fog. “Anna? I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, breathe. Listen to my voice. It’s going to be all right. You’re getting out of this, and when you do, we’re all going to be here, ready to support you and love you. We’re not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

By this time, the fog was almost gone, and it almost seen as though Kat had sensed it, too.

“You can do it. You’re a complete badass. You can beat up ten people at once if you want to, although you’re amazing and you never would except to protect us. You can make it out of this. I’ve known you for five hundred years, and I believe in you more than anything.”

The fog cleared, and Anna breathed in sharply, feeling the cold night air on her throat. It felt like she was lifting a heavy weight off of her shoulders that had been there ever since they’d been reincarnated.

She felt free. She wasn’t all the way to where she needed to be, but she’d get there. 

Kat smiled at her, and they leaned on each other, using each others’ weight to stand up. 

“Are you going to head home now?” 

If Anna was being honest, she didn’t even hear Kat’s question. She was too busy thinking of how adorable the fifth queen looked with her pink hair blowing in the wind and moonlight shining in her brown eyes. 

“Anna?”

Anna wanted to slap herself. These feelings were not going to get her anywhere. They needed to go away. Kat couldn’t do this again. Anna wasn’t going to hurt her. Not ever. 

“Oh, yeah, I think I’m going to go and talk to Catherine if she’s still here, and then I’m going to head home.”

“Do you need me to stay with you?”

Anna sighed. It would be so much easier if Kat weren’t so...nice. However, she also looked exhausted. 

“No, it’s alright. You head home.”

“Alright, but I’m making Jane keep an eye on you.”

And with that, Kat turned, pink ponytail bouncing, and walked back into the little pub. 

A minute or so later, the German queen slowly made her way downstairs and back into the little bar, where she searched for Catherine, but didn’t see her anywhere. She didn’t see anyone else, either.

Just as she was opening her mouth to ask the bartender if they’d gone home, a scream rang out from outside, echoing in her ears.

She could almost feel her heart stop.

It was Katherine. 


	2. A Brush With the Past.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One queen has faced her mental demons, but now another has to face the more literal ones.  
> Time is running out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blades, mentions of beheading, some physical fighting, mental breakdowns.

The last thing Kat remembered was trying to hail a taxi for a ride home from the pub. She’d felt hands grab her around the waist and cover her mouth as they yanked her backwards into a dark alleyway. She’d kicked out backwards and the hands had released her head. She’d screamed as loudly as she could, praying that someone would hear. But she’d felt a sharp jab, and looked over to see a needle in her arm.    
And then everything had gone black. 

Slowly, the world was coming back into focus. It was still dark, but there was a little bit of silver light around her. Her head ached, and she wasn’t sure she could move her left arm, but at least she could see. 

She hadn’t seen whoever had attacked her, but it had to be the executioners. Who else could it be? Kat shuddered. She hadn’t faced the executioners on her own yet, nor had she been their prisoner, but she had heard horror stories from Jane and Catherine, who had had a run-in with them a month or so ago. 

She groaned and tried to sit up, which took a tremendous amount of effort, seeing as there were heavy chains on both her arms. She looked around, and felt her blood run cold. So cold it hurt. 

She was under the Tower of London. Not where she’d been beheaded, but where she’d been right beforehand. When she’d been carried through the tower, screaming and fighting for her life.

It had almost been worse than the beheading itself.

What kind of sick, twisted person would bring her here?

She looked down at her arms and realized she was trembling from head to toe. This place had always been wet and ice cold, ever since the 16th century. If you listened closely, people said you could hear the screams of the executed. Even back in her last life, Katherine had never believed that story. Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

_ No,  _ she told herself.  _ This is not the time to break down. You can’t die here.  _

But it was already too late. She was in pain, and the executioners had been smart to bring here here. At home, in her own bed, she had solid objects to bring her back from her nightmares, but here, there were few distractions.

But she  _ had  _ to try. So she did what she’d did so many times during her last life. She left the present and went away into her mind. When there was no place to go and she was stuck in a terrible position, she turned to her thoughts for a place to hide. The trouble was, she’d spent so much time inside her head that she often struggled to leave it, and she suspected the executioners would use that to their advantage once they found out.

But if she let herself stare at the Tower and listen to the ghosts, she’d break. She didn’t trust herself to survive here. 

Inside her thoughts, she found the same questions that had kept her tossing and turning and unable to sleep for the past few nights.

Kat wasn’t an idiot. She knew she had no idea what love was. She’d only ever known abuse and manipulation and lies. 

She also had little experience with friendship. Almost everyone close to her in her last life had betrayed her. She’d only ever had one real friend, and, well...she’d had the same problem then that she had now. 

How could she expect to know the difference between friendship and love if she’d only ever known one person who hadn’t abused and manipulated her, and that person was the same person she was confused about now?

_ Were  _ those fuzzy flutterings in her heart just passionate friendship? Or something more?

Ugh, this wasn’t helping. Emotional confusion was impossible to deal with, especially under this sort of pressure.

But at least she was safe for now, in the soft corners of her mind.

Or at least, she thought she was. 

Until she heard voices whispering in her ear. 

She couldn’t even tell you what they were saying if you asked her. But the soft corner of her mind didn’t feel so soft anymore. It felt dark and closed-in and not safe. Suddenly, she was back in the bottom of the Tower, but if possible, it was even worse than it had been last time she was here. 

The entire tower seemed to be teeming with the ghosts of everyone who had ever tormented her. Her grandmother. Every girl from the household of the Dowager. Her ladies-in-waiting who had turned their backs on her at court.

Her parents. Her uncle.

And closest to her face were the four she’d spent her whole life trying to forget.

Henry Manox, Francis Dereham, Henry (the eighth), and Thomas Culpeper. 

She didn’t think her blood could get any colder until it did. 

The four men who had haunted her childhood, but she felt their ice-cold hands all over her. More hands, human ones, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her forward. Her legs dragged on the floor, and through the haze of darkness and demons, she felt tears falling down her cheeks. 

God, she wished the hands would  _ just get off  _ of her. They were everywhere, and just like the last life, she was paralyzed to stop them. 

Just when she thought this couldn’t get any worse, it did.

She’d always known the executioners always captured to kill. It was even in their name. Yet somehow, amidst the demons and the screaming and the blood that suddenly seemed to be all over the tower floor, she’d forgotten. 

But there was no forgetting it now.

Not with an execution block sitting in front of her.

To the best of her ability, she twisted her head, trying to get a glimpse of her real captors. She couldn’t see anything other than glimpses of dark silhouettes. 

And the glint of an axe.

It wasn’t hard to get the pieces together.

It was almost eerily similar to her last life. Screaming and kicking and fighting for her life underneath the Tower while all the ghosts of her past came back to haunt her. 

And yet, some things were different. Her last execution had been in front of hundreds of people, and she’d been determined to be regal, lay her head down like a queen, when all she wanted to do was scream because there were hands all over her body.

Now, she was the opposite of regal. Last time, she’d known it was the time for her death. This was pure and utter murder. She wasn’t meant to die, and she was going to make sure they all knew it.

She screamed as loudly as she could. For all she knew, no one heard her. But the last time she’d died, she’d died a ghost, supposedly haunting the Tower of London, forgotten, a pale imitation of her cousin with the same fate. 

If she was going to die with hands all over her, trapped and paralyzed again, she was going to make sure someone remembered the sound of her voice, even if the only ones who remembered it were her killers themselves.

So she screamed.

One of the executioners swung one of the chains into her sore arm. Her voice stopped working. Her eyes filled with tears of pain. She thought she might’ve heard something crack, but it could’ve been her imagination. 

The executioners took advantage of her silence and took complete control of her body, a feeling she was all too familiar with. She struggled at first, but another chain slapping into her arm made her wince in pain and her body go limp.    
There was nothing she could do as the executioners forced her head down onto the block and held it still.

The cold hands covered her body. They felt colder than ice.

She shut her eyes. She didn’t want to see the axe again. She didn’t think she could take it. 

She waited for the sharp pain on her neck. As she did, she thought she heard footsteps. There was no way of telling how far away they were. Or maybe she was just going crazy.

She heard thuds. Had the axe hit her neck already? Was she in shock?

Slowly, she swiveled her head, trying to see what was happening. She felt tears of relief pouring out of her eyes. 

Anna was standing above her, somehow  _ holding the axe still _ with shaking arms.    
At the sight of her best friend’s face, the ghosts seemed to disappear. It was just the two of them, a dark room, and about six people trying to kill them.

At least Thomas Culpeper was gone.

Kat yanked on her chains, trying her best to help, but it was no use. However, it gave her an idea. As Anna wrestled for the axe with a man above Kat’s head, Kat spun around rapidly, chains swinging and hitting two of the men in the face, knocking them backwards onto the floor.

Above her, Anna finally got control of the axe, and swung it around, hitting her opponent with the blunt end and sending him crashing to the floor. She swung it around again, and hit a woman behind her. 

That left the two queens alone. There had been two more men, but they seemed to have disappeared. Quickly, Anna grabbed a key out of one of the men’s pockets and set to undoing Kat’s chains. The second she could move, Kat flung herself into Anna’s arms, shaking with fear and adrenaline. She had tears on her cheeks, but she didn’t really know why at this point. Relief? Fear? Joy? Confusion?

“How...how did you find me?”

Like she’d done on the rooftop what felt like ages ago, Anna wrapped her arms around Kat, but this time, she was the support, keeping her safe inside her arms. 

“I heard you scream outside the pub, but by the time I got there, you were gone. I knew there was only one person who could’ve taken you, so I tried to think like them. They brought Jane to her grave when they took her, so I decided to come here.” She flashed her usual cocky grin, but Kat could see her relief just underneath the smile. “Guess it’s lucky I did.”

Suddenly, in a flash of black, the remaining two men were in between them, and then they were gone, shoving Anna up against the wall and holding a knife to her throat. 

Kat wasn’t even sure where the energy came from, but suddenly, she was up and running, grabbing the axe from the floor. She swung the blunt end blindly, but the two men ended up on the floor. 

Anna stared back at her.

She stared at the axe in her hands. There was blood on the blade.

All at once, the adrenaline left her, and the exhaustion overtook her as she fell to the floor.

Fortunately, Anna got there first, and she found herself in her arms yet again, shaking, in pain, and terrified, but safe and somehow calming down.

How strange that both of them had found comfort in each other’s arms tonight, and yet for completely different reasons. 

Her eyes blurred with tears yet again. This time, she was sure they were from joy.

She was alive. She was safe. She’d been found.

And in Anna’s arms, the answer to the question she’d been asking herself for ages became clear.


	3. Kissing in the Rain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 AM in the park is the time for honesty in all its forms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for vague mentions of sexual abuse.  
> Sorry this chapter is short!

If you had told Anna 9 hours ago that she would be walking in the park at four in the morning that Monday, she would have laughed in your face. The German queen  _ loved  _ her sleep, and was a pretty consistent late sleeper in the queens’ apartment. The only queen who always slept later than her was Anne. Even Cathy was often up earlier than she, even when the writer had been up until, well...four in the morning. 

Yet here she was, on a foggy, cold, October morning, walking through the park with a shivering Katherine instead of sleeping in her own bed. She had her arm around the pink-haired queen’s shoulders, trying her best to keep her warm, but she couldn’t tell how much of her shivering was from the cold, and how much was from adrenaline and fear. 

Honestly, who could blame her. The woman had just been through an  _ incredibly  _ traumatic ordeal. Anna had never experienced the executioners herself, but she’d seen what they could do to your mind. She dreaded the day she would have her own brush with death at their hands. She would normally deny that a day like that would ever happen, but not tonight. Tonight was no time for lies. 

She was furious at the executioners for what they’d done to Kat. They had tortured her. They had damaged her, maybe forever. For heaven’s sake, they’d almost  _ killed  _ her. 

Kat reached over and squeezed Anna’s arms gently. Neither of them had spoken since the fight, only walked with an unspoken understanding that they weren’t going to go home. They weren’t ready yet. 

After nearly an hour of walking, Kat suddenly stopped in the middle of the path, staring at the sky. Anna wished there was some way to know if she was alright, to help. Even she was feeling worried herself, starting to feel her own emotions from earlier in the night bubbling up yet again.

It was what four in the morning did to you. 

“Thank you.”

Anna looked at the fifth queen in surprise. “For what?”

“For coming after me.”

Anna couldn’t help the expression of shock that spread across her face. “Did you really think I’d be so selfish as to not try to save your life?”

Kat’s hands flew to her face. “Oh, no! God no! Quite the opposite! It’s just...well, it takes a lot to put yourself in danger. Not everyone can do it. And you’re brave, of course, but we all have our moments when we get scared, run away.”

“Like I did last time.”

Kat sat down on a bench, looking sad. “No, Anna, not like last time. I wish you could see that.”

“I didn’t save you. I saved myself.”

“The choice was either die and have me marry Henry or not die and have me marry Henry. Having you not die was better for both of us.”

“But you…”

“When I died, the last time, you tried to save me, yeah?”

“Of course I did.”

Though they were talking about serious things they’d never really talked about before, the fifth queen still had a slightly dreamy loom on her face, as though part of the night’s fog and tiny starlights just underneath had seeped into her brown eyes. 

“Anna, the fact that you tried is all that matters. You  _ need  _ to know that.”

Anna sighed and sat down on the bench next to her friend. Slowly, she found herself letting out a laugh. “Look at us. You’ve just nearly died, and here I am, trying to get you to help me deal with my own crap.”

She tried to stand, but she felt Kat’s hand clamp down on her shoulder. She looked right into her eyes.

“It’s  _ alright. _ ”

Anna sighed. “But no, it isn’t.”   
“We’re both having hard nights. We’re helping each other. It’s what friends do.”

“Yes, but yours was  _ much  _ harder.”   
“Not really. We both almost died.”

Anna froze.

That was true. 

Why hadn’t she thought about it that way before?

Was it so hard for her to let herself need help, to feel, to open up, and to  _ Kat  _ of all people? She trusted no one in the entire world more than Kat!

“I guess you’re right.”

“Please. You  _ know  _ I’m right.”

Anna laughed, and the sound lingered in the night air. 

“Just...talk to me.”

The air went silent.

“I...I can’t.”   
Katherine sighed, but she didn’t seem annoyed. “Would you if I went first?”

“Why do you care so much?”   
“Because you need this, and I care about you.”

Their eyes lingered on each other’s few a seconds. The air seemed to heat up before Kat broke the spell by turning away and gently resting her head on Anna’s shoulder. 

“Would you really go first?”

“Of course I would.”

There was silence again. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words, to ask her to do it. But Kat seemed to know anyway.

“Do you know what I saw when I was in the bottom of the tower? I saw them. All of them. And somehow they had more hands than people should be able to have, and they were all over me, and they were cold and it felt like my heart was stopping every second. I could have sworn I was back in the last life, about to die again. There was so much darkness and pain that...by the end, I’d given up hope.” She took a deep breath. “And I worry that if I can give up hope so easily now, I’ll never be able to really get over all the things from that life. How can I ever protect myself or the people I love if I can’t even get them out of my head for five minutes?”

There was silence. Anna knew the fifth queen was in pain, but this was more than she’d expected to hear. Especially since she was retaining the same dreamy tone. Almost as if there was something other than their conversation weighing on her mind. 

“Well that was a hell of a lot.”

Katherine laughed, the sound clear and pure, so pure it almost sounded as though it could clear the fog. 

“Fair enough. But you also have a lot. I know you do.”

Anna sighed and sank backwards onto the bench, feeling Kat’s arms around her shoulders. The feeling, along with the cool breeze on her face, was calming. It made her feel as though everything would be all right.

Maybe it would.

She breathed in deeply.

“I just can’t get it out of my head how much I hate myself sometimes. I look at these things you’ve all done and been through and how you are, and I look at what I’ve been through, and how I am, and it’s just  _ such  _ a huge difference.” Words came more easily the more she spoke, like a snowball tumbling down a hill. “It’s just...no matter how hard I try, it’s never as good as I want. I tried to be the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, and it just never worked. And if all of those things failed, I know it’s my fault.” She felt Kat’s hand squeezing hers as she took a deep breath. “I want to help you, but sometimes all I can think of is how I  _ couldn’t.  _ How all those people scream and yell at me, telling me that my face, my body, it’s all wrong. How I’ve just disappeared from everyone’s versions of history.” 

The wind whipped through the trees blowing fall leaves to the ground. 

“I know I’ve told you this before, but I feel like it’ll never leave. It just doesn’t.” 

Kat sighed. “It won’t. Not really. But Anna, that’s exactly why you can’t ignore it. You need to learn to live with it, to understand it, to feel it next to you every day and still keep going.”

Anna tensed up as she felt Kat’s fingers slowly twine around hers. 

“I haven’t even told you the worst thing yet.”

“Then tell me.”

A cool drop of rain slid down Anna’s cheek. Water started to pour down from the sky and onto the two queens, reflecting the little bit of starlight even more. 

“The thing is...everyone who was ever supposed to love me hasn’t been able to. And because of that, I’ve gone through life thinking... _ knowing  _ that I can’t be loved. That I’m unlovable.” Anna felt more water sliding down her cheeks, but it was hot and burned in her eyes.

There was silence for a second. Then Kat turned and looked at her.

“You’re not unlovable.”

“All the evidence seems to say otherwise.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Oh really?”

“I can prove it.”

There was a moment of silence as the rain poured down from the sky. Anna stared right into the centers of Kat’s eyes.

And then Kat leaned forward and kissed her. 

For a moment, all Anna felt was the rain.    
Slowly, the feeling of Kat’s lips on hers mixed with the water on her face. She felt the pain melt away, even just for a second, and in its place was a full feeling of love.

She supposed it was her first kiss. Kat’s too.

She’d wanted to kiss Kat for months, but she’d stopped herself from ever actually picturing it, to spare herself the pain.

But this wasn’t painful.

The rain poured down. They were both soaking wet.

This was perfect. 


End file.
